If you wish to show me warmth

Please do so earnestly.

A momentary kindness isn’t enough

Please don’t leave my side.

I am left alone again

With no explanation

Only my inner doubts

Answer my pleas

I found someone who I loved

And I thought they truly cared

but you weren’t any different

from the others.

I want to hear your voice

I want to know I matter to you

But if you were telling me a lie

Then it was better off not said

I turn my back on the innocence I held

This time we spent together was just a lie

Perhaps it wasn’t even real

And I was lost inside of my own dream.

Please don’t stare back at me

With such cold eyes

Just tell me the truth

Even if that’s what hurts the most.

I am left alone again

With no explanation

Tomorrow we will cross paths

As if none of this ever happened.

Ache

This pain in my chest

Won’t leave even if I smile

I want to leave it all behind

As if it didn’t exist

But without fail

When I talk to others

it creeps up on me

and I remember ever single doubt

Because I love you

Because I trust you

I want to tell you everything

But I know I can’t

At the end of the day

When we’ve parted it ways

The person whose arms you rest in

Aren’t mine

Even if I have no right to

I continue to share my pain with you

Even if there is nothing you can do

I continue to tell you everything.

I love you so much

I long just to be by your side

But you are so happy with someone else

And I want you to be happy more than anything.

Told not to give up and change my perspective

I kept walking forward even as I stumbled

But I was unable to shield my tears

So you saw them yet again.

It’s not that I want you to love me

It’s not that I need anything to change

I cannot even tell you my feelings

Because I don’t even understand them.

I keep reaching out to hold your hand

Because if just for a moment

I want to be loved

I share my pain because I want someone to understand.

Even if I have no right to

I continue to share my pain with you

Even if there is nothing you can do

I almost wish I could hide it all.

Author’s note: Before you read this I wanted to add before I cause anyone undue worry that unlike most of the other poems I have posted this poem is not based on personal experience and relates to a scenario in my mind, That being said I hope you enjoy the poem.

Innocence

With my back upon the earth

The sun bathes me in light

But I feel no warmth

My voice calls out

But you are no longer by my side

The seasons have changed again

My voice will no longer reach you

Not even the memory of me.

You are right here

I can see you

But even as I embrace you

You cannot see me.

I alone carry the burden

We once shouldered together

I wanted to take away all of your tears

It’s better this way.

Leave me now

With a fresh start

And a blank mind

Live a life without sin.

Leave these memories

Entwined in my chest

Before the sun rises

Please don’t turn back.

We cannot return home anymore

I have erased all your sadness

Why are you crying?

It hurts…

Unrequited

 What is this heavy feeling that crept up inside of me?

I was just trying to enjoy my life.

Without acknowledging this emptiness

Because ignorance really is bliss

I realize it more than anything

At least I was able to meet you

But these emotions won’t stop overflowing

I keep wishing for what I can’t have.

I am able to smile and be happy for you

Because it really is what I wanted for you

But this pain in my heart won’t stop

I haven’t stopped loving you yet.

I didn’t even allow myself to imagine

A future with you because I was afraid

I knew that I wasn’t the one

There really is no reason for me to feel pain.

I’ve met so many  people

I shouldn’t have a reason to feel lonely

but seeing you have fun and laughing without me

I can smile but it’s painful.

Yes this is truly what I wanted for you

So why can’t I just smile warmly?

I didn’t even allow myself to imagine

A future with you because I was afraid

I knew that I wasn’t the one

But I haven’t stopped loving you yet

I love this world so much and the music it brings

but at the same time it’s slowly hurting me

because everything I hear, whether it is ugly or beautiful

however gentle it may be pounds at the inside of my head.

Don’t misunderstand me, I want to love everything openly

but this world is so intense and sometimes it’s hard to breathe. 

I fear I can’t even find the right words to describe it.

This world that I love so much is slowly driving me insane

It’s getting harder to just smile and fight it all away

I don’t have a quiet place to go to

when everything and everyone is shouting.

In this world, there isn’t one person who understands me.

I’ll cover up my ears and hold on to what little sanity I have

without even a shoulder to cry on,

a back to comfort my cries.

I am beginning to wonder if there is even a place in this world for me.

I fear I can’t even find the right words to describe it.

This world that I love so much is slowly driving me insane

It’s getting harder to just smile and fight it all away

I don’t have a quiet place to go to

when everything and everyone is shouting.

I’ll just close my eyes and wait for things to slow down.

That’s the only choice I have

even if silence never returns.

Another morning like this

the days are getting less and less original

How long have I walked this very path

feeling the same loneliness I feel right now?

I’ve written so many poems

they’ve all started to sound the same

Perhaps it’s that my life hasn’t really changed.

It’s so boring, so lonely, I can’t stand it.

You have someone to protect

Someone who wants to protect you

I have begun to forget what that feels like.

But no matter how much pain I’ve held in my chest

I will smile for you

This scenario is all too familiar to me.

It is not so easy to smile for the sake of

a future that I cannot even see.

Even so I’ll keep writing the same poem

until I have something new to write about.

No matter how much it hurts, I am unable to give up

Even as I seem to be the only person who is standing alone.

I don’t know if that person exists

but I keep pursuing them, even if it’s just an illusion in the end.

I wonder why I can’t shake this feeling.

Another morning like this

the days are getting less and less original

How long have I walked this very path

feeling the same loneliness I feel right now?

I walk down this road alone

keeping the same expression on my face

Walking with my loneliness

it”s pathetic isn’t it? 

Natural

I want to approach things naturally

I want to have social grace around you

But I feel like a human who lives on her own

I am not worthy of the others of my kind.

I open my heart up fully

And speak to you in a relaxed manner

But these feelings just won’t go away

I love you too much.

It’s not that important

But it’s the most important feeling

Everything else is blurred by it

Why can’t I just be composed?

She talks to you so naturally

And is so assertive about her feelings.

I am too shy and I gently confess my feelings

I fear I will just fall behind everyone else.

It is really easy but

The most difficult thing to do

To open up your heart to someone

Because their feelings may not match

Everyone feels the same way you do

I cannot believe such a sympathetic lie.

Convince me I don’t need it

Convince me I don’t need to be with you.

It’s not that important

But it’s the most important feeling

It is really easy but

The most difficult thing to do

No matter how many times

This heart aches I still

Get back up again

And the cycle continues.

Often out of nowhere

I feel a heaviness in my heart.

Suddenly all these emotions come pouring out

It’s really quite disconcerting.

I decided to be optimistic

and look on the brighter side of things

but at the end of the day

my doubts and sadness are looking back at me.

Everyone has a time where they forget to smile.

When the tears refuse to stop falling

there doesn’t always have to be a good reason.

Do you consider me strong 

even as his hand is trembling?

Everyone has that one place in their heart

they never want to return to.

Because they know when they do

the pain becomes too much bare.

Everyone has a time when they forget to laugh

when they begin to hate themselves inside

sometimes we begin to hate ourselves

I think this is what being human is.

Often out of nowhere

I feel this heaviness in my heart

When all the emotions come pouring out

I realize that I am only human.

Since I have class in an hour I am just going to do this for now.

(untitled for now)

You never gave up and even in your despair

You vowed to change the world.

Hands stained with blood

Heart stained with regret

You paved the way for a brighter tomorrow.

People aren’t always moral are they?

But that doesn’t make them inhuman

I came to understand this through you.

From the bottom of my heart

I cannot even find the right way to thank you.

Now I walk forward

Continuing down the path you created

You alone changed the world.

I’ll keep staring right next to me

until you are standing there

because no matter how many tears I cry

I am still in love with you.

What is important is that I am still alive

I’ll shield my tired body from the rain

yes, I still believe in you after all

You don’t have to be afraid of your tears

because soon we will be free

you won’t have to be strong alone.

“If I could just hold you once…”

Your voice broke alone

Saying the words I couldn’t say

I stood up once more

to keep moving forward.

No matter how much time passes

you remain my closest treasure

Time cannot break our bond

I will not fear the lonely nights

they will only remind of my love

soon we will be free

so let’s laugh together just a little.

Rest peacefully my dear

there is no one is the world

more precious to me than you.

You don’t have to be afraid of your tears

because soon we will be free

you won’t have to be strong alone.

I will not fear the lonely nights

they’ll remind me that you exist

if you feel alone

gaze into my eyes.

My love is proof that you exist.

If I wait long enough

you will be standing there

by my side.